Sheenie’s Blog

I am disgusted at girls who can’t be discreet about their underwear.  Is it laziness or are they living life through an imaginary lens in a Vogue cover shoot?  In spite of more lingerie retailers on the high street offering a spectrum of colours and a variety of solutions to your supporting cast’s needs, some girls are still dumbing down the act of wearing underwear correctly.

Pet hate number one: bra straps on public display.  Simply grotesque!  For example under a sleeveless top like this young girl ordering her portion of chicken in Nando’s.  Funny how her chicken wings were bulging out of this ill-fitting top (ugh!).

Because of the cut of the garment or if it’s one of those vests, the straps can’t be hidden and it’s not always advisable to go without.  Fair enough.  The solution to this?  Wear a bra with removable straps that can either be taken off or criss-crossed over thus being concealed under your top.  It’s not rocket science.

Unfortunately my example has shown to all the customers in Nando’s that she wears a polka dot bra that is more than likely the wrong size (the bra is hooked up too high).  Of course the ghastly top adds insult to injury but had she chosen a more appropriate item of undergarment, she wouldn’t look so trailer trash.

Pet hate number two: mis-matching underwear, namely wearing a twin set which don’t match but clash, which also ties into the point above if they’re visible to the naked eye.  Lingerie makers don’t manufacture colourful bras for fashionable reasons, they’re for your own good so try to match your clothes to the closest colour you have.  Matching underwear is not for the priority of others to see or ahem, for special occasions but to be prepared for every eventuality whether it’s a strip-search at airport security or being treated by paramedics after you’ve been run-over will work in your favour.  Don’t take a chance and think it’s acceptable to wear grey knickers (which used to be white) with a knackered old bra.

So this is coming from a girl who has every colour in the rainbow in her drawers but essentially you should have the basic bra colours – black, white, nude and red.  Oh yes.  Don’t wear a white bra under a semi-sheer black top for example.  Lots of women do.  It’s cheap and you look like a gormless, colour-blind numpty.  You’re supposed to ooze class.

If you are clueless as to how to keep your unmentionables in their original vibrant shades, use this Godsend of a product called Colour Catcher, which prevents the colours running in the wash plus your underwear will last longer.  Look at me giving you useful tips here!  Pay attention!  And no, I’m not Bree Van de Kamp/Hodge.  She’s a fictional character.

Pet hate number three: thongs are wrong. Good God, whoever decided they were fashionably acceptable is hopefully out of a job.  Just what is so comfortable about a cheese grater up your arse?  And letting it casually stick out above your jeans is not sexy, it’s awful!  Women still do it!  So what if you saw it first on a hip-hop video and decided to mimic Missy Dollar Sign from the Bronx?  They’re high up on the scale of looking like tits in a trance, do you care to go the same way?  There is a very good reason why underwear is called precisely that.  It’s supposed to remain under your clothes.   Keep it hidden and keep it classy!